I don’t know what has kept me from writing this post ever since? It has ever since I started a page for my heroines, been on my mind!
Yes, I do have them lots of heroines and writing these posts, is my own way of celebrating them and all those who impact others’ lives.
My heroine could very well look like this but helas I don’t have any real picture with or of hers.
That period was a very difficult one for me and to tell you the extent I almost derailed out there, I even stole from a shop a few times. What did I steal, food.
I had no money and no job. I had cut off communication with my mother and whole family because the thought I was possessed and well I left in the first place right? and did all those nasty things I narrate in my book right?
So when I got to Dubai, I lived with my boyfriend of then in an a flat alongside at least 6 other people. It was a three bedroom flat and more rooms had been created in the sitting room using plywood.
The rents were to be compared with those in London, Paris or New York and so the savings I brought paid that up.
Then this flat mate of mine, oh she who was just a cleaner with emirates airlines but who cleaned the planes on transit and all, took pity on me.
I did not know about Myanmar before and she barely spoke English. I think her supervisor at work was from Myanmar too and so she got her hired and well in such jobs language ain’t real necessary I think.
She lived with her husband and they both worked at the Emirates airlines cleaning planes. This picture I found online reminds me very much of them: both were petite too just like these!
She started bringing left overs and giving me (us) and this helped a lot. I fasted all day not only because I did not have any thing to eat, but also because I wanted to discipline myself so and keep my faith believing that those trying moments were going to pass.
And today, those moments are long gone. My heroine by the time I left Dubai, was 7 months pregnant and they were making arrangements to return to Myanmar, have the baby, leave him there before returning to toil for their daily bread.
People like her are my angels, my inspirations and motivations. I definitely wish her blessings and all the best wherever she is.
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, it is with this post that I conclude my week. Next week, I resume on Tuesday with Emotions and Well Being – reach out to men ( hopefully someday it will come to be too).
and this means: to prosper in any business; to have increase or success. Living a meaningful life is my business which I am running on my terms.
I feel good, thralalalala – what’s wrong in being happy, proud and contented in life? What stops us from talking and even being proud about our successes, joys and high hopes?
Some people think it is a lack of humility. But tell me, is it ok to always complain, be full of self pity, demand empathy and hide our emotions away lest people say or whisper here and there?
On monday, I wrote about our emotions and our well being and my plans in that direction. Yes it is a great journey I am embarking on and I don’t mind who comes along initially, no I just want to go on that criuse.
It wasn’t easy and it still isn’t; oh no but let me tell you what is the ultimate:
I discovered coaching and blogging although in the reversed order. I re-discovered my ‘fierceness’, yes I went really unconventional by publishing my book.
I labelled it accordingly and re-worked its trailer to my satisfaction.
Now, I am slowly but surely thriving and I know it is up to us to do same or to watch other do same while reading their stories!
I am HAPPY, very happy. I have high HOPES and tiny fears, I know it wouldn’t be easy after all nobody ever said it was going to be. I also know with faith, Determination – Discipline and Dedication I will thrive for a long time to come!
Dear gentle readers and followers, are you thriving or just surviving?
Do you care for a journey to more emotional well being?
If Yes, then you can start on your own by re-eveluating yourself and if it be so hard a solo journey, reach out!
This week, I go emotional as in seriously. This week, I introduce what will eventually become my coaching business in some years to come.
Women: it is ok to discuss our emotions! This week I say Women, next week I say men, and thereafter I will speak to us all!
I suppose there is nothing wrong in dreaming, aspiring and planning. I love doing stuff in advance, sort of trying to figure out a whole project before I embark, least of which is even a mere weekend.
And so after much thought, I decided to embark on a challenging but fulfilling career as a Personal and emotional well being coach. I am still at the conception stage but I am excited about it enough to share the news with you.
It takes certifications, preparations, organization, finalization and all but yes – I am ready to embark on all that. I am currently being coached by Jeffrey l. Moore and that is frankly speaking one of the best self investments I ever made.
Now, back to my post for today! I have noticed and personally didn’t do it too, that we women and well especially in my continent Africa or even country Cameroon where I know quiet some women, we don’t think it is ok to discuss our emotions.
Maybe just like ‘men’ (well I don’t mean all either) had long thought and maybe still do think that it’s not ok for them to cry, women thought it ain’t ok to discuss their emotions.
So what do I think and make of all this? Personally, I didn’t discuss even just 1/3 of these. I didn’t discuss neither with my own self, with my partner or family nor with my ‘girl friend’ and here I put quotes because we would sure like to discuss with that ‘girlfriend’ (or boyfriend as the case maybe) we can trust not to make matters worst for us.
In a subsequent post on this journey, I will categorize some of these emotions and also look at their inextricable link to our personal cum emotional well being, hence to our ‘productivity’.
But, before then, next week, I will speak to our ‘men’. And, for men who care about their women, they have to understand their emotions or encourage them to talk with them and of course vice versa.
Dear gentle readers and followers of mine, this is my new found passion and ambition and I know many will wish me well. Maybe some will become my clients someday. The journey is just starting. I went through so much in life and my book tells most of it. I think it is noble now for me to help others too albeit professionally.
I just took a very bold decision today, albeit officially, to work hard to become a Personal and Emotional Well being Coach. I am currently being coached and I going to go after the certifications and all. Yes I know my time is limited, I don’t know the exact duration but I want whatever will be said to be consoling even to my corpse. Vincent, I am always touched by your posts and I once more reblog this great one.
Steve Jobs once said; “Remembering I will be dead soon is the best tool I have encountered to help me make the big choices in my life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment, or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
Folks death is inevitable. One day, when it’s all said and done, we will die. But have you ever thought about what will be said about you on your funeral? What does it all come down to?
We sweat and labour to find our place here on earth, to fulfil our dreams. Sometimes we take…
We all read series 1 I suppose so, series 2 starts of with some legal intonations – well, maybe it will all end up legal too in my story? I think we could only best find out in the book itself so now back to another thrilling excerpt right?
Wait, before we get there, may be we could wonder why in spite of legislation, adultery is still so prevalent?
I came across this image and sincerely found it befitting on a personal note:
My ex-husband and I had come to mean so little to each other that we not only went out separate ways emotionally and all though still living under the same roof, but we eventually sought a divorce after l left.
“…Oh Ayo I did suffer in there, becoming worse of than Marie Magdalene.
The Reverend I had an affair with this time around was strangely the least of my worries. Maybe somehow, I was kind of used to cheating and not being caught and even enjoying the rides by now.
This relationship lasted close to six months and even the pregnancy I pleasantly discovered myself carrying for my husband, (of course I had once been bitten enough to protect myself on such outings) did not repel him until I decided to give up that relationship as a lent offering.
We had webbed a relationship I can’t describe out of décor and decorum and we were almost dependent upon each other emotionally to the extent that every few hours, we talked for a minute or thereabouts, and sent each other text messages. We counseled each other on various issues, visited each other’s homes and much more.
Maybe because I knew it was a dead end, I wasn’t in the least worried about the future because I knew sooner or later he would definitely be moving on with his life and I would have taken a final decision about leaving too.
But by the time five months was around the corner and I was getting into my fourth month of pregnancy, and as he wasn’t moving on or giving up on this ‘nonsense’ of a relationship, I decided once more that it was time.
Next, I got to meet the one I fondly and seriously consider as my earthly “Treasure”. I called him ‘trésor’, at all times whether we were having our own disagreements, good fights or not. He also went through several crisis of his own, both in the country and out in the “wilderness”, and I tried for as long and as much as I could to stand by him just as he back then, stood by me on countless occasions and through all sorts of crisis.
I remember even once telling him I thought we deserved a break for the pressure was about to bury me deep and he reluctantly agreed.
I was in Arusha then and I soon started a brief flirt with a man aged half a century, good enough to be my father and nothing to write home about. My ‘Treasure’ counseled me and made a big sacrifice to come and see me in Arusha, and I didn’t even know he was coming. I was equally so pleasantly surprised that coincidentally he was also called Alain.
We went through so much and then when I felt the moment, that moment, that I had to move on, I wrote him a long email; although he never replied, I think he realised it was time for both of us to let go of that ‘Madness’ of a Love Relationship…”
Well, gentle followers of mine, I have shared these excerpts with you in all honesty, modesty, humility and gratitude.
I have so far had some reviews and I shared some in a recent post. Adultery may not have been the axe that felled my wedding tree, no I wrote about what I felt was the key killer, but it played a great role.
I write only my story for I can’t hold the pen to any other’s book. I don’t seek pity nor even blame, no it is useless. I wish to provoke discussions, reflections and much more.
Dear all, do show so love by sharing, commenting and why not grabbing a copy of the book?
I definitely agree with this so much that i can’t help but reblog it. I once named Vincent amongst 4 great men of mine and he was very modest and humble in his appreciation. It is not the numbers but the quality that matters. He is yet to convince me he isn’t aiming for the moon nor that I should follow him closely. thank you Vincent – yes it all boils down to us!
In the journey towards success in life I have discovered that more often than not there are more people who will try to stop you than aid you, even from among our family and friends. And if we give in to their words and pressures, we give them the power to control our lives. So no matter what stage you are in the pursuit of your dreams, remember this; your success or failure…boils down to you, and no one else.
There are people who will discourage you if you set ambitious goals, but never you mind them because, without goals there can be no achievement. There are people who will frown upon you as you seek a better life, but keep seeking because it is essential that all of us find our true place if happiness is to be found. There are those who will laugh and ridicule you…
I have never asked for a reblog before, but if you have the time and wouldn’t mind reblogging or sharing this I would personally appreciate it. I have decided to really go for this and try to provide some sort of marketing/blogging consulting to those wanting the help and willing to pay. It might sound silly, but there are plenty of authors, photographers, bloggers, and entrepreneurs that are horrible at marketing themselves.
I cannot guarantee views, comments, or sales. I can guarantee for a contract a subscriber number increase. The rest is really up to you. I follow a business model which I have shared HERE which shows that I use 33.3% of my time gathering followers, 33.3% of my time writing, and 33.3% of my time interacting and socializing. That is how I blog. Many people can’t afford the time to “gather followers” or don’t know how. That is…
And so, I decided this week to share some more about that my thriller of a life’s story as compressed in a book.
I started by doing a new trailer for when I did the first one, I was still so emotional and didn’t have the book published yet.
Today and on Friday, I will be sharing some more of my story, precisely from that most daring chapter: My Adulteries.
Whether you are caught in Adultery or not, it catches you inside you and some day you have to face yourself and all. I said some more in another recent article on the Divorce Magazine.
So, this is some of what is in that chapter in that book:
” … As will come to be the pattern, whenever the air is tense for one reason or the other, we simply can’t function sexually. So there I was, often going to some restaurant nearby to have lunch alone, when the owner took note of me and started offering me ‘free’ lunch.
We mostly talked for long in his restaurant and actually went to a hotel once. Into the third week of the crap, I just took hold of myself and in all self-disgust, went for confession.
Had I known that was just the beginning, I would have damned the consequences, told my husband and I don’t know what else. Well, I got pregnant shortly after, had my Dave and then had to go on those long trips mentioned previously.
Oh filthy Ayo, who on a same day met a man, listened to whatever he was telling, and let him come to my hotel room at night, having driven a good 45 km from his own town. We never met again after that, and even he gave up trying to call me by the third unanswered call.
Then another trip via the North West got me into contact with a civil servant whose function was ‘conservateur foncier’ (I think in English they are called land registrars). He was a ‘conservateur’ at that because although we just exchanged addresses in his office at that first meeting, he kept in touch and always spoke with me for hours on the phone, even counseling me at some point.
He called me later to tell me he’d just been transferred to the North, and I was on my way up there too.
I got there days before him since he had to ‘hand over’ powers before leaving. However, he got to meet me there, on the eve of my departure, having flown in from Yaoundé. What a night we spent, I who had not only been away for close to a month then, but who was also going through my usual ‘sick within episodes’.
I have simply come past all shame by now; I don’t even blush as I write. This gentleman has been a friend since then and recently when he was about to wed, he offered me a plane ticket to the North, which I kindly turned down.
On yet another trip to the North, I asked the driver to take me to a nightclub, he who was used to the town and even had family, friends and ‘chicks’ there. He took me there and drank so hard that I had to leave him, although I equally did leave him because I had met this macho footballer from Douala who played up North and just wanted to have some fun.
Well, so did I and from that early Saturday morning up to around 4 pm we just tried our best. By the time we parted that evening, we both knew that was that and I for my part felt renewed enough to finish that mission, return home and get lost in my masquerade of an existence.
There was no disgust or confession this time around but a craving for something I believed could be achieved by renewing my closeness to my God.
I started contemplating leaving that marriage altogether and since I was earning a good income, I thought I could afford to take care of Al and Dave and assure us all a modestly comfortable life.
I however didn’t know who to talk to or how to go about it. I, on the other hand, also thought about what if I put in my last efforts to rescue my marriage, come to terms with my self, make amends and come to love my husband the way he was.
I even convinced him and we went for some marriage counseling, but never made it past the first session. Either option was thus inconclusive and then, out of the blue, the long awaited bar exams were launched and I just concentrated on sitting and passing that ‘Eldorado’ of an exam.
My emotional dilemma ever present, I had equally thought that I could get so engrossed in some charitable activity or apostolate (a religious vocation sort of), which would bring me closer to my God and enhance my recovery from the loss of my daughter Ange-Claire and its six-month trauma I had experienced.
That is how I started going to the central prison to assist both legally and in any other ways expected.
Had I known that the other ways expected would have been as complicated as a full blown adulterous relationship, I would have stuck in my little corner but alas, down went the sledge again for Ayo. ‘Had I known’ has never been of good to anyone, coming as late as it always does.”
So, just reading the excerpt above is good insight into my dilemmas both within and without. Of course, the immediate consequences will only be more ;
Dear Gentle followers of mine, stay tuned for series 2 and why not leave a comment or 2!
What on earth could push or pull a woman and mother of three to abandon her marriage, elope with a street kid, leaving those three kids behind?
What on earth could push or pull a woman to live such parallel lives and fake such an existence whereas all the ‘glamour’ was just superficial?
What definitely went wrong in her childhood that could have contributed to the sad and dare say ‘insane’ series of unconventional loves and existence?
Well, this is what the novel is all about.
This novel is a brutally honest memoir of a woman’s struggle to live a ‘Meaningful and Happy Life’.
This novel is a sad tale of the depths a woman had to sink to before braving to a new life of ‘Meaning and Happiness’.
This is a story of Determination, Discipline and Dedication which takes its readers through a series of ‘sane and insane acts’ of a woman who lived in adultery over and over again, who lived parallel lives, and who when she missed the suicide attempt, realized it was time to be Honest with herself and her world.
Intermingled in the sub themes, is the unfolding of a mother’s dramatic and tough love for her daughter.
Some say the novel is encapsulating and captivating and others say it is inspirational and motivational.
The Author says, she thinks it is both. She wrote this personal ‘thriller’ of hers in all honesty because she wanted to make her Mess her Message and her Test her Testimony.
It probably would make an excellent read!
Stay tuned this week for a teaser from the most captivating chapter itself!
Show some love, share, comment and why not grab a copy!
My Name is Yanira Vargas. I am a Junior at Washington State University. I am in a relationship with my childhood and best friend for three years, who happens to have stage 3 brain cancer. Join me as I turn to Jesus and meet my maker.
My goal with this blog is to offend everyone in the world at least once with my words… so no one has a reason to have a heightened sense of themselves. We are all ignorant, we are all found wanting, we are all bad people sometimes.